Silent achiever willing to relocate
- 24 June, 1998 13:52
Next time you're looking through the sales job ads, keep the following expressions in mind. (And you thought real estate ads were in a class of their own!)Start immediatelyFor the last three weeks we've forgotten to run this adGreat learning positionThe base salary is the lowest we can legally payCompetitive salaryWe know of at least two other companies that pay as badly as usMarket leading companyWe called it Aaaardvark Computing so we'd get listed first in the Yellow PagesHigh base salaryBusiness has been so bad lately, we're worried you'll starve if you rely on commissionsMust be a self-starterYou'll have to steal a desk, chair and phone from someone who's away from the office the day you start workCareer-mindedWomen applicants must be single with no intention of having children Apply in writing only We haven't got enough phone lines as it isProblem-solving skills neededThe last person in the job took the customer list, the orders and the hard disk from his computerMust be a silent achieverThe sales manager has been off with the pixies for years, so you'll have to do his work tooTask orientedComplain about anything and you're firedFriendly workplaceFree Prozac is available from the front office Must be a CNE It's costing us too much to have an outside firm run our network, so you can do it free on weekendsMust be willing to relocateWe aren't good at remembering to pay office rentProfessional attitudeYou won't notice anyone taking kickbacks, right?
On the job training provided
You'll have never heard of any of the products we're asking you to sell, and unfortunately, neither will any of your potential clients.