A President is the likely replacement for the Queen in the result of a yes vote for the republic. But who would be left at LAN Systems if they ousted all their queens?

At the recent LAN Lunacy New Orleans-style Mardi Gras party, the true colours of many of the LAN Systems boys were on show. And as you can see from these stunning portraits, those colours are most definitely various shades of pink and yellow.

John Penn, LAN Systems' marketing manager, looked very pretty in pink, while business unit manager Tony Heywood stole the show with his outrageous frock and headdress.

LAN Systems' account manager Alex Chen was resplendent in the yellow boa and head feather, while the ugly broad next to him is Cisco's Gary Jackson.

LAN System boss Scott Frew flew back from Brussels just for the event and is seen here trying to corrupt Xylan MD David "Reverend Nile" Keane.

One thing is for sure: LAN Systems only enhanced its reputation for throwing the best party in the business. Australia's most famous drag queen, Carolotta, put on a sensational show with her "girls". Commenting on a particular svelte blonde dancer, one observer who shall remain nameless, was heard to say: "I don't care if it is a bloke, I'd still go it."

Cabletron capers

By Leo Yethonga

Who needs enemies when you have a CEO and president quite willing to speak his mind? Cabletron Australia MD Ian Fewtrell might be asking himself.

Cabletron Systems' new boss Piyush Patel made the hearts (yes they have them) of his PR minders skip a beat.

"We definitely can do a lot better than what we are doing," he uttered during a teleconference in response to ARN's questions about the performance of his Australian business.

In Cabletron's rush to organise a "meet the press" teleconference for reasons we're still not too sure about, they forgot the "give the local guys a plug" reminder.

Now, this Tabloid reporter presumes there was no malicious intent motivating Patel. After all, ask any American CEO what they think about Australia and you can be sure the reply is "I really want to come and visit you guys". It's right up there with Kangaroos, Koalas and Crocodile Dundee.

Tabloid is glad to report Cabletron clarified the situation for us, issuing an amusing press release shortly after the "incident" and headlined Australia heading in the right direction, says Patel. It's what PR people call "damage control".

In fact, all indications suggest Cabletron Australia is doing well. In fact, the company claims it has seen revenue rise by 92 per cent during the last 12 months. It's certainly better than the US operation's reported 2 per cent growth.

In addition, the local guys have secured a number of large enterprise and government contracts, which will keep the bean counters happy.

But we are still left wondering about the exact reasons behind the gaffe. "Perhaps I should be looking for another job," quipped the media-savvy Fewtrell.

No, don't worry Ian, Patel has clarified his initial comments about the possibility of restructuring the local office.

"We just want to continue the trend of recent months and any changes would be counter-productive to these goals," he said in the press statement.

Q staffer sets new mark

Compaq spin doctor Anne Eckert has recently set a new PB for response time to a request for information from Australian Reseller News. The matter-of-fact mar-coms manager responded in under four minutes to an ARN scribe's message last week. IT journos all over Australia just LIVE for the day when, on dialling Eckert's line, she'll respond - live and in real time!

Just the facts, not the fax

It seems that the IT industry's faxed disseminator of daily dribble has an interesting method of sourcing and attributing the breaking news of the channel.

Last week, and for not the first time, Computer Daily News had its subscriber group believe that a news source other than ARN or ARN LiveWire breaks the channel news. Tabloid notes with interest that in the case in point of the news about Compaq and Harvey Norman parting ways, ARN LiveWire was, as usual, the first to publish the facts. Interesting also was that the following day CDN also chose to publish another excerpt from the same alternative channel news source which inaccurately reported Harris Technology's alleged "dumping" of Compaq.

Tabloid would never engage in finger pointing, but speaking of fingers, it might be interesting to note the link between the two sources is a wedding ring.

Movers & Shakers

Sales force automation (SFA) and customer relationship management (CRM) software company Bendata announced the promotion of Jamie Cousins to the position of national sales manager. Marketing manager Claire Larsen told Tabloid that she has requested that Cousins, a keen surfer, stays out of the water for at least two weeks prior to any special company events. It appears that Cousins has distinguished himself with some surfing scars of late, and she wants him to be doing more of CRM than SFA.

Thought for the week:

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it takes only four muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.

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