News briefs

News briefs

Beware the Tabloid spy

That's right, Tabloid spies are everywhere, and it makes PR companies very nervous.

Don't believe us? Take a look at the latest missive from one "PR Chick" that crossed Tabloid's desk:"I read the ARN Tabloid page on the back page of your magazine and sometimes you guys slag off PR companies who send you dodgy material in such an embarassing way - I thought it safe to pre-empt any form of PR I send about our company with an introduction so we will never appear in that Tabloid section."Don't worry, we told her she will never appear in Tabloid.

And remember, Tabloid spys accept deliberate submissions at Net classicsDistrict Court Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson today ordered the breakup of Microsoft into two separate companies to correct antitrust violations.

The two companies would probably be known as Micro Inc and Soft Inc.

In a statement, Chairman Bill Gates said: "It will be hard for me to choose, as the two companies really do represent so much of what I am."You know you've been at the same company too long when...l You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different organisationsl Your resume is on disk in your pocketl You get really excited about a 2 per cent pay raisel You learn about your layoff on the newsl Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your jobl Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the developing countries' gross national products combinedl It's dark when you drive to and from workl Communication is something your section is having problems withl You see a good-looking person and know it is a visitorl Free food left over from meetings is your main staplel Being sick is defined as "can't walk" or "in hospital"l You're already late on the work task you just gotl You work 200 hours for a $100 bonus cheque.l "Holiday" is something you roll over to next year, or a cheque you get every Januaryl Your relatives and family describe your job as "working with computers"l Your business cards are no longer correct just a month after you receive theml You have every "Cup-A-Soup" brand known to man in your desk drawerl You have no hobbies that do not involve an electronic devicel During any outside-of-work event that vaguely resembles a social activity, your co-workers outnumber your family membersl Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you've lost your best jokesl You read this entire list and understood it.

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