Tabloid Briefs

Tabloid Briefs

Yeah, good on us

This is a story straight from the self-humiliation files. Tabloid couldn't resist having a go at ARN after we spend so much time taking the piss out of the industry.

We speak here of our new baby, ARNnet. This is, of course, the new home for the IT channel, but ARN staff report there's trouble on the homefront.

While the Web site itself has not crashed, it has suffered a cruel fate at the hands of a database glitch. Specifically, ARNnet's database endured some heartache, preventing it from serving news stories to the site for a couple of days. Fortunately, ARNnet's myriad other services remain healthy.

ARN has offered profound apologies, and invites letters of support for a stressed-out team of IT staff.

We suspect ARN's database is feeling unloved after all the TLC bestowed on the Web development server.

Send your letters of encouragement to

Aussie techie talk

In the interests of advancing the clever country, the Tumbaragong town council has released an IT Thesaurus translating techie talk to reel orzzi lingo. If anything, it reveals that IT terminology is fundamental to the Australian way of life.

Log On - Make the barbie hotter

Log Off - Don't add any more wood

Monitor - Keeping an eye on the barbie

Download - Get the firewood off the ute

Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once

Window - What you shut when it's cold

Screen - What you shut in the mozzie season

Byte - What mozzies do

Bit - What mozzies did

Mega Byte - What Townsville mozzies do

Chip - A bar snack

Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips

Modem - What you did to the lawns

Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

Laptop - Where the cat sleeps

Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster

Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from Kmart

Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed

Mainframe - What holds the shed up

Cursor - The old bloke that swears a lot

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