Tabloid Briefs

Tabloid Briefs

Quote of the week

Tabloid's quote of the week is hereby awarded to Tabloid journalist Snowball Fairlight.

When asked if she had ever owned a Commodore 64, she replied: "No, I've never owned a car."

Suffice to say, she is a blonde.

Mystery shopper revealed

Agate national sales and marketing manager Michael Calculli has revealed the identity of the "mystery shopper" pictured in Tabloid last week ("Whazzzupp Agate?" September 20).

He writes: "I just thought I should let you know that the mystery shopper is Pauline Flannery from Tech Pac. This picture was taken in Hawaii on the Adaptec Conference in an Irish Pub watching Australia vs New Zealand in the 2nd Bledisloe Cup."

Net Classic

Computers may appear inanimate to the uninitiated but they really have emotions and express themselves - to the extent that they have gender (except that no one can agree what gender it might be).

Top 10 reasons computers must be male:

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9.-A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. -It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. They pretend to perform serious business applications but they are really games machines.

4. -In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. They look like they are processing something but it is really a screen saver.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter

Top 10 reasons computers must be female:

10. Picky, picky, picky.

9. They hear what you say but not what you mean.

8. Beauty is only shell deep.

7. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".

6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.

5.-A word out of place can cause system failure.

4. Nothing happens until you approach them with the right language.

3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.

2. The GUI only tells you half the story.

1. Miss a period and they go wild.

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