Tabloid Briefs

Tabloid Briefs

Yuppie sheep shanks shepherd's flock

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Range Rover advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a Hermes tie leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd:

"If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looks at the young man, then at his peacefully grazing flock, and calmly answers "sure!".

The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a mobile phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 30 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulae. Finally he prints out a 10-page report on his hi-tech miniaturised printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "you have here exactly 1586 sheep!".

"This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man make a selection and bundle it in his Range Rover.

Then he says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?". "Okay, why not" answers the young man.

"You are a consultant," says the shepherd.

"This is correct," says the yuppie, "How did you guess that?"

"Easy" answers the shepherd. "You turn up here although nobody called. You want to be paid for the answer to a question I already knew the solution to. And you don't know a flipping thing about my business because you took my dog."

Comprehending IT

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it damn-well needs to be.

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