The editor asked me to write a few words about XSP. I guess it must be the whole "X" thing that has got her chasing around looking for X-stories. She suggested that "XSP" stands for "eXSPosure", but being a Web kinda guy, I thought I'd better fire up the webferret (www.ferretsoft.com) and find out if she's right.
The next suggestion was to visit http://www.xel.com /shark.html, but that took me into even heavier techie-land as an advertisement for the fabulous XSP 100 Shark. It lets you deliver voice, high-speed data, Internet access and networking connections to end customers over a single network connection. If you need one, no doubt this is essential kit. I don't think I need one. I don't think I know anyone who needs one. Does Ziggy need one?
Finally, the ferret offered me a promising link. A visit to www.englishchick.com/xenasongs.html confirmed that I had finally tracked down the answer to this elusive acronym: XSP stands for "Xena Song Parody". This fabulous site contains all kinds of well-known songs with their lyrics changed in the manner of Weird Al Yankovic, to reflect the fans' obsession with Xena, the Warrior Princess.
Here you will find modern classics such as The Beatles' "Yesterday", transformed into glowing tributes to Xena:
Seems fairly obvious to me, but then I don't have a great deal of eXSPosure to lesbian icons, so to speak. And I'm still not clear exactly why my editor would be so fascinated by XSPs. Sure they can be amusing but all this Xena worship can be tiring. Maybe I'm still barking up the wrong URL after all. Maybe my editor was right all along. Is it really all about eXSPosure?
There are laws about eXSPosure you know. You can't just go around eXSPosing yourself without winning a free ride in a paddy wagon. Not to mention what might happen to you before the rozzers arrive if you've upset too many passers-by. You could soon be wishing for Xena's assistance - and wishing you hadn't hummed all those parodies.
If you live and work in the channel, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about eXSPosure. Probably not the arrestable kind I was discussing a moment ago, but more likely maximising awareness of your products and services for the masses of buyers - those who your business plan confidently assures you are salivating to do business with you. Damn right too. eXSPosure costs bucket-loads of money.
In case you've been under a rock for the last five years, or glued to Channel Ten watching Xena re-runs, you'll find that the magic of the Internet can greatly assist your efforts to get eXSPosed. And unlike many other forms of eXSPosure, you won't have to sell the children, or run the risk of being arrested. If you want to sell your children, that's OK with me. I understand how cash flow and the BAS can affect your bottom line. And if you still couldn't care less about the Internet, you can always justify a cable connection on the grounds that Foxtel is showing re-runs of Xena. Now that's what I call eXSPosure. Ian Yates is the editor of Channel X's sister publication The Industry Standard