TABLOID: Perfect match

TABLOID: Perfect match

Tabloid has managed to get an exclusive insight into the hottest pair in the IT industry, Hewlett-Packard's Carleton (Carly) Fiorina - contestant number one - and Compaq Computer's Michael Capellas - contestant number two. Tabloid's vast channel connections have managed to link into a whitebox version of the original Dexter from the television show, and, running on an undisclosed processor and all-cloned, non-Intel certified components, we have managed to produce the following questions and crunch them through the computer.

What is your favourite movie and why?

Contestant number one: That would have to be Disclosure, with Michael Douglas and Demi Moore. Not for the reasons that most people liked the movie, though. I just really admired the way that Michael Douglas' character solved the problem with the drives . . .

Contestant number two: The same as contestant number one . . . Disclosure. But for a different reason. Demi Moore is a babe, and THAT SCENE is the best thing to come out of the computer business in the last 20 years. And it was such an accurate depiction of the IT industry.

What is your idea of *the perfect date*?

Contestant number two: Well after 18 holes on my favourite golf course, we would enjoy a romantic candle-lit dinner at the clubhouse overlooking the first tee, then kick back with a multimedia notebook hooked into my private ISDN pipe. It's a 128K line with bandwidth to burn and . . .

Contestant number one: Same as contestant number one, but my favourite golf course happens to be on MS Golf version 2, so since I'm already online, so to speak, I point my browser at one of my favourite restaurants and order in . . . It's amazing how they will deliver if they know they're talking to one of the world's few female CEOs . . . (giggle) . . .

What is your age and what age do you prefer in a partner?

Contestant number one: Well I'm 44 and I like my partner to be close enough to my age to understand my jokes.

Contestant number two: (squirming slightly) Well I am 44 too, and I like my partner to be around the same age. It helps make me look good if I'm with someone who, well, may not have aged as well as I have . . .

What is your favourite alphanumeric character?

Contestant number two: Funny you should ask that question, because I get a funny feeling all over every time I think of ANYTHING with alpha in it (nervous laugh) . . . but I guess my favourite letter is "Q" for obvious reasons.

Contestant number one: That's easy, it used to be L, but now I just can't decide between H and P.

The Tabloid Dexter clone has processed the answers from both contestants, and, combined with the data supplied by the usual Tabloid suspects, we seem to have . . . a perfectly integratable match.

Hmmm could this be? Could the CEOs of two of the IT industry's biggest players be so compatible? Is this the start of a Compaq/ Hewlett-Packard alliance?

Tabloid will be on the case, and if readers have any inside mail on the pair, or spot them in the same room or restaurant, be sure to e-mail us at you can't beat 'em use their phonesBy Leo YethongaOne of Tabloid's spies made an interesting discovery when he visited Cisco Australia's plush offices in North Sydney last week.

As Cisco has repeatedly made noises about its telecommunications market aspirations, logic would suggest it should use its own phones by way of example.

But no! Tabloid caught a glimpse of two phones from its arch-rival Lucent Technologies working hard at the reception desk with Lucent's red "O" proudly displayed for all to see from the guest lounge behind the desk.

What's more, a freshly renovated kitchen was seen sporting another Lucent phone hanging prominently on the wall.

But what makes the story even more amusing is that one Cisco executive recently boasted about how their North Sydney office now runs a completely IP-based telecommunications system after it dumped the PABX.

Again, we assume Cisco IP Telephones would be the logical choice. After all, as Cisco observes on its Web site, "the telephone is the most visible component of the voice communications network".

But again, a different decision was made. Perhaps Cisco thinks it has discovered the best way to keep an ear on the opposition, so to speak.

The Y4D bug?

One of the IT industry's best-known karaoke warblers, and who has a day gig as one of IT's top PR chicks, has celebrated a major birthday . . . well at least one ending in a zero. It seems that this karaoke queen entertained a gathering of the IT channel gliteratti at one of Sydney's most exclusive (or was that elusive?) and as yet undiscovered public houses. The theme for the evening was "something from your childhood". Like, when the only channel was on TV.

Come back Channel Spice

News about one of Tabloid's own globetrotting scribes has been hazy at best, but "sources close to Channel" have reported that she has landed a plum role as minder to her longtime hero (and former Spice Girl - Ginger) Geri Halliwell. Coincidence it may be, but Tabloid's Channel Spice has not been seen since the renegade singer left the band, and started her solo spiceless career. Incidentally, Naomi Jackson, one of Channel's close friends, has been spotted in Sydney recently.

Movers & Shakers

Network integrator and Internet specialist and growing IT arm of the Motorcycle Riders Association, Janteknology has appointed David Burton to the position of services manager. Burton has ridden in to town from Data #3. Also joining the "J boys" to rev the sales along is Jack Malkoun as sales consultant. He has wheeled in from CIC.

True to his word, the colourful marketing man David Bates has reported that Tektronix Colour Printing and Imaging division has boosted its sales team with the appointments of Alison Rispoli and Craig Kent. Rispoli has taken on account manager duties for Western Australia and South Australia, while Kent will service New South Wales.

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