Analysts predict growth, astounding no-one

Analysts predict growth, astounding no-one

According to analysts across the US, the current market downturn is set to rebound in the next five years, beginning seven years of feast, but none appear to be willing to set a specific date.

The industry responded to the news with overwhelming apathy, with analysts failing to create little more than a collective yawn from a market hunkered down for what is going to be a long winter.

It appears companies are beginning to demand a specific date and time for the industry downturn to reverse, and mounting pressure has analysts shaking in their figures.

"This is ridiculous," said one CEO of a major software firm. "How in the hell am I going to know when to exercise my share options if I can't get a date from these people. What am I paying these number-crunchers to write glowing reports about [this company] for, if they can't give me a date of when the market will start actually making me money?"

Another managing director for an international network router manufacturer, who did not wish to be named, claimed he can't start book his next holiday until he has a firm idea of when the market will bounce back to its hey-day proportions of the early 1990s.

"My wife is this close to divorcing me if I can't give her the go-ahead to book Disney World tickets. I've reneged on two dates already, and now my kids are in rehab because I don't spend enough time with her. I swear every time an analyst [passes wind], I hold my breath, hoping I'll get a date - but these guys are killing me," he said.

Analysts have hit back with the predictable retort that no-one can give a specific date, let alone time, for when the economic forces will change. But this has enraged the IT industry, with stockbrokers joining the fray.

"That's what they would say isn't it," said a Nasdaq stockbroker in New York. "But that's rubbish. If they gave us a time, then we'll believe them. I think they're holding the industry to ransom.

"Even a tentative date like June 7 or something would satisfy me. A specific hour wouldn't really matter because, jeez, this is IT, they could change it when it doesn't happen and say there were development issues in Malaysia that put it back six weeks," he said.

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