If William Shakespeare wrote an Apple rumor blog

If William Shakespeare wrote an Apple rumor blog

Let's face it: The state of iPhone and iPad rumors is parlous, petty and paltry, where bad writing and punditry drives out the good.

But perhaps one of the world's greatest playwrights can show us to way to rejuvenated, rousing, robust rumoring.

We surf to ...

Is this an iPad III which I see before me? 

posted by MacBeth Jan. 3, 2012 "Macbeth," Act 2, Scene 1

Is this an iPad III which I see before me, the bezel toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee!

I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, favorite vision, sensible to feeling as to sight? Or art thou but a tablet of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from the rumor-oppressed brain?

RUMOR ROUNDUPS: Read our latest on iPad 3 and iPhone 5 rumors

I see thee yet, in form as palpable as this which now I five-finger swipe. Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going; and such an instrument I long to use. I see thee still, and on thy high-res display gouts of pixels, which was not so before.

There's no such thing! It is the hysterical hype which informs thus to mine eyes.

Now o'er the one halfworld innovation seems dead, and wicked rumors abuse the curtain'd sleep. Witchcraft celebrates Pale Google's offerings, and wither'd Android, alarum'd by his sentinel, the open source, whose howl's his watchword, thus with his stealthy pace. With Ballmer's ravishing strides, towards his design moves like a ghost.

Thou sure and firm-set digital sensors, mark not my steps, which way they walk, for fear thy very GPS data prate of my whereabout, and show my present horror, mere dual-core computing on iPad II.

Whiles I importune, Apple tarries: words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives. From my iPhone, a voice assistant sounds, while iPad III is mute. Siri invites me. Hear it not, Apple! For it is a knell that summons thee to heaven or to hell.

Wait no more on iPhone V. But on second thought ...

Posted by hamletthedane Nov. 1, 2011 "Hamlet," Act 3, Scene 1

To wait, or not to wait -- that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the delay of iPhone 5 by outrageous Apple or to take stock of a sea of Androids and by selecting end it.

To reject, to choose, and by a choice to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that fanboy flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

To choose Android ... to access Android Market: ay, there's the rub! For in that market of dearth what apps may come when we have shuffled off this iTunes coil must give us pause. There's the respect that makes calamity of other platforms.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of malware, th' oppressor's wrong code, the proud fanboy's contumely, the pangs of despised love, the iPhone V's delay, the insolence of Apple, and the spurns the patient user of th' unworthy vendors takes, when he himself might his quietus make with a bare credit card?

Who would open source bear, to grunt and sweat under a weary life of jailbreaks and mods, but that the dread of something after iOS, some undiscovered mobile platform, from whose bourn no consumer returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make smartphone cowards of us all ...

iPhone IV-S is a great phone!

by henryv Oct. 4, 2011 "Henry V," Act 4, Scene 3

"O that we now had here, but one true iPhone V and not yon withered bull's pizzle of iPhone IV-S."

What's he that wishes so?

God's will! I pray thee, wish not one iPhone more!

By Jove, I am not covetous for gold plated phones nor care I who doth feed upon my Wi-Fi. Such outward things dwell not in my desires. But if it be a sin to covet iPhone IV-S, I am the most offending soul alive.

No, faith, my coz, wish not another phone from Cupertino. O, do not wish one more!

Rather proclaim it, my cousin, through the host of users: that he which hath no stomach to this phone, let him depart to Android; his passport shall be made and crowns for convoy put into his purse.

This day is called the feast of Crispus.

He that buys this day, and comes safe home, will stand a tip-toe when the day is named, and rouse him at the name of Crispus. He that shall live this day, and buy the Phone IV-S, will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbors, and say "To-morrow is Saint Crispus."

Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot. But he'll remember with advantages what feats he did that day with iPhone IV-S and the Siri Voice Assistant. And Crispus shall ne'er go by, from this day to the ending of the world, but we in it shall be remember'd. We few, we happy few, we band of iPhone IV-S brothers.

For he to-day that swipes his credit card with me, shall be my brother. Be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen everywhere now a-bed with Android shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that bought with us upon Saint Crispus day!

John Cox covers wireless networking and mobile computing for Network World. Twitter: Email: Blog RSS feed:

Read more about anti-malware in Network World's Anti-malware section.

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