Channel beer drinkers lose face

Channel beer drinkers lose face

The nation is in mourning following the shock defeat of the Australian HP Partners Beer Drinking Team at the HP Software Olympics Beer Drinking Competition held in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia, last month.

Despite best marketing efforts sporting fake beer guts to intimidate the opponents, the team (Kinetica's Steve Dixon and Steve Brass, Enterprise Management Solutions' Paul Heath and HP's Paul Muller) came only second to the non-beer-gutted, yet accomplished, scullers from the combined India-South East Asia HP Partners team.

While unofficial complaints indicated that the poor timing of the prosperity and luck lion dance may have influenced the outcome of the competition, onlookers agreed the HP Partner Beer Drinkers' disgraceful performance may have been affected by the inclusion of a Pom (Dixon) and a Kiwi (Heath) in the national team.

In a press conference held immediately after the event, HP's vice-president of the SSO group, Peter van der Fluit, said the correlation between the drinkers and the winners of the HP Software Olympics Awards for outstanding achievement in sales and marketing of HP software was strong.

However, the comment was lost on the disappointed Steve Brass, from HP's award-winning partner Kinetica, who was philosophical in his assessment of the event:

"The Australian culture is such that we like to let other people take the spotlight," he said. In congratulating the winning team, he also said the Aussie beer drinking software Olympians "were hopeless".

According to research group International DatingCorporation, the poor performance of the Australian HP Beer Drinking Partners may have been the result of a miscalculation in the beer-to-stomach timing of one Paul Muller, HP's software sales manager. The findings have prompted speculation over the strategic repositioning of the team from consumer commodities to the beer services arm of HP.

"It is clear the Australian Beer Drinking Partners have lost their customers' mind-share and will have to reinvent themselves as beer service providers (BSPs) in order to recapture market share," IDC said.

Such a move would require the group to acquire a whole new set of skills, such as adding value in a twist-top sale and stubby area storage (SAS) integration, IDC said.

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