New appointments at EMC rile natives

New appointments at EMC rile natives

Storage manufacturer EMC has head hunted the services of Indiana Jones and Lara Croft in an audacious move to secure the world's first piece of stored data - a book.

Before you disregard this item as nought but another piece of Tabloid creativity, note there is some degree of seriousness in it. EMC announced last week it is sponsoring a quest to locate the world's earliest known published "book".

While books were reportedly popular since the early 1600s, they became antiquated data storage devices during the early Information Age era, circa 1980s. The popularity of books have since diminished largely due to the old people smell and personality vacuum often found in libraries.

Most early books were created using an ancient technology involving movable-type metal letters pressing ink onto a piece of papyrus. It is the origin of this technology that EMC has revived with the help of legendary archeologist and adventurer Indiana Jones and gaming poster girl Lara Croft.

The accepted theory is German craftsman Johann Gutenberg invented the printing press in 1452 before going stark raving mad due to lead poisoning. However, a rival theory emerged centuries later when a Buddhist text dubbed the Jikji Simche Yogol Volume II, for obvious reasons, surfaced in Korea in 1972. The book has been dated by those who were probably not there at the time as being manufactured in 1377, 70 years prior to Gutenberg's.

The search is on for Volume I of the Jikji which experts expect to contain Buddhist references and possibly the original source code for Atari 600. EMC has sponsored an expedition to find the original Jikji text, but hired guns Jones and Croft are caught in a controversy surrounding the dubious means of their employment.

"I thought they were making a fourth Indiana Jones movie," said a confused Harrison Ford who played the character in three Hollywood blockbusters. "This is ridiculous, they know he's only a character don't they?"

Ford has called in a team of lawyers, a handful of movie execs and original Indiana Jones creator Steven Spielberg to try and solve the confusion. But EMC officials in Korea are adamant there was no Harrison Ford mentioned in any of the three previous movies and demand the $US20 million donation they paid to a non-descript university in the US - the fictional workplace of Indiana Jones - be honoured.

Ford, who was dragged off the set of his latest movie in California by Korean EMC officials wearing pagan loin clothes and feathers, responded viciously with berated shouting: "I didn't kill my wife! This is the millenium falcon! Get off my plane! Doesn't any of this mean anything to you people?"

Meanwhile Angelina Jolie has gone missing for the past two weeks and Edios, the creators of the PC and PlayStation game Tomb Raider, issued a statement disclaiming any responsibility on their part.

"While we fear for Ms Jolie's safety, Edios accepts no responsibility for the insane actions of a storage company so hell-bent on retrieving every piece of data on the face of the earth. Cyber-terrorism is one thing, but even our engineers aren't that loco," the official statement said.

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