ERP vendors, struggling to find customers who are willing to spend a fortune on supply-chain software with little hope of return on investment, have appointed a new sales division focused on Random Populace Luck Marketing (RPLM), otherwise known as door-to-door sales.
ERP salesmen have begun scouting the suburbs in most Australian CBDs, in the hope of striking an IT manager or a CIO unawares and in the mood to open the company chequebook.
"This was a strategy devised by a number of ERP vendors at a recent summit focused on reinventing the ERP market," said Gordon Setter, chairman of the ERP Vendor Society. "We devised a number of strategies aimed at increasing ERP sales revenues, but this was the stand-out."
Other proposals at the summit included the filming of a reality TV program, Survivor: ERP edition, whereby IT managers and CIOs could vote for which ERP vendors are allowed to remain in an exhausted and saturated market. The door-to-door sales proposal was voted in by a narrow margin over a separate proposal that suggested the establishment of new and improved acronyms to use as marketing buzzwords when attempting to sell the systems.
Jack Russell, ERP salesman at LotsaROI Inc, said there is just as much likelihood of finding a willing customer in suburban homes, trailer parks and motel rooms as there are in corporate Australia at present. "I have already been in discussions with Jim Wung-Leng at Jim's Fish and Chips Pty Ltd, and I'm this close to signing a deal," he said. "I'm just having a bit of trouble convincing Jim that he can get a return on investment from the system, considering it costs more than five times his annual revenues. But hey, like I told Jim, it's the new economy baby, dot-coms spent more on bus ads than they ever saw in revenues. And you know what these fish and chip shops are like - Jim's likely to pass it on to his son or his nephew, and then to their son or nephew, and eventually somewhere down the line, they get their return on investment."