Techie Jargon: Part One

Techie Jargon: Part One

We've all been there, in full flight in the middle of an argument regarding the commercialisation of a new technology when WHAM, the techno jargon gets right out of control and we lose the plot. One minute you are talking rollouts then suddenly a reference to some beta version of an obscure, but clearly ground breaking, technology places you on the defensive.

Tech heads to the rescue. Crackmonkey and Mr. Bad (their cover is so deep not even Tabloid knows who they are) put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument.

That won't scale.

There are, of course, various export limitations on that technology.

The syntax is idiosyncratic.

Trying to build a team behind that technology would be a staffing nightmare.

That can't be generalised to a cross-platform build.

Unfortunately, the licence would contaminate our product.

Our support infrastructure simply can't handle the volume that change would involve.

I had one of the interns try that approach for another project, and it scrambled the CEO's hard drive. So I think it's going to be a hard sell.

Yes, well, that's just not the way things work in the real world.

I like your idea. Why don't you write up a white paper and we'll review it at the next staff meeting?

I think you need to stop taking this so personally. We need to think about what's best for the project, not about our own little pet theories.

Yes, I believe that's the approach Windows NT is taking.

That's totally inefficient on modern hardware.

Well, yes, but it really reduces to the knapsack problem in that case. Do you have some kind of heuristic, or are we dealing with an NP-complete case?

Have you LOOKED at the number of I/O requests that will create?

We can't afford the transaction overhead.

Yeah, or we could all just plink away on Amigas or something.

Hmm. Didn't they just go bankrupt? u It's OK, I guess - there's some German company who's picked up the existing service contracts.

No, no, no. We're really working on an N-TIER architecture, here.

No, that would break object encapsulation.

If you make this change, I will fork the code.

Yes, well, unfortunately the economy is going away from anything remotely like that. Our investors would kill us.

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