Thanks to a survey commissioned by printer manufacturer Lexmark, Tabloid can unequivocally reveal that children in the UK, Germany, France, Spain and Sweden are weird compared to Australian kids of the same age.
The tough conclusions are the result of an extensive survey of 600 secondary school children and 100 teachers from the aforementioned countries. Designed to examine children's attitudes towards using computers and printers for homework assignments, the survey uncovered some startling truths that researchers buried in the appendix section of the final report.
Lexmark found that almost two-thirds (63 per cent) of the children surveyed admitted to repeatedly making excuses for not doing their homework. The fact that kids actually admitted to repeatedly making excuses worried 13-year-old Neil Matthews of Sunnyvale High School, Victoria, who said that admitting to habitual lying was a recipe for disaster.
"So you come clean for something like a survey one week and then next week you'll be admitting you stole money out of your Mum's purse to finance your footy card collection. It's not on," he said. "All these [European] kids need to say is I dunno Miss'."
The survey also questioned teachers who were surprised by the fact that kids aged between 11-16 demonstrated advanced creative reasoning when devising excuses for late assignments.
Fifty-five per cent of the kids surveyed believed teachers look upon printed work more favourably, and as a result used a computer and a printer to do their homework, while 78 per cent of teachers said they regularly encouraged their pupils to use such devices.
The results are a concern for parents whose children do not have a PC at home, while countless school children across the globe are terrified that the timeless excuse, "my dog ate my homework" will become obsolete as homework can now be stored and retrieved electronically.
The most popular excuses
for not handing in homework:
I lost it (47 per cent).
My Dad accidentally threw it away (26 per cent).
I spilt drink on it (24 per cent).
My little brother/sister ripped it up (13 per cent).
The dog ate it (11 per cent).
Most creative excuses heard
The police raided the house so I couldn't do it.
My brother was sick on it.
My new puppy "decorated" my homework.
I went to Hong Kong and left it in the magazine rack on the plane.
Most common excuses
used by Australian school kids:
It was destroyed by the bushfires.
A dingo took my brother who was meant to do it for me.
I was doing it by the pool when Elvis scooped it up.
Dad was using the computer last night to search for porn.
I dunno Miss.