Oracle to BEA: Better get a bucket

Oracle to BEA: Better get a bucket

I have to admit things have been a little boring in Cringeville lately. SCO vs the world is so pathetic it's not worth mentioning. Bill Gates is almost out the door and Microsoft is trying to be a good Web citizen, despite the loony rantings of its top executive. The only fun thing left is tweaking the Apple faithful, and that's almost too darn easy.

Thank God for Larry Ellison. Oracle's less-than-chummy takeover attempt of BEA is bound to be fodder for a few weeks if not longer.

I understand the bad blood began flowing when Oracle CEO Charles Phillips asked BEA veep Bill Klein to suggest a meeting place where they could discuss the acquisition, but Phillips was unable to locate where the sun don't shine on Google Maps.

Larry "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" Ellison has long coveted BEA, which you can tell by how he's trash talked them over the years. Having swallowed up 30-odd software companies in the past three years, it seems Ellison's role model is Mr. Creosote from "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life." ("Just one more company Mr. Larry? It's wafer thin...")

My guess is the timing of the move was prompted at least in part by SAP's acquisition of Business Objects, which could hinder the German Giant's ability to play the White Knight and make a competitive offer. The other factor: investor Carl Icahn's demands that BEA poop or get off the pot.

Icahn purchased 13 percent of BEA in the last month with the intent of getting the company acquired by somebody. But whether that somebody will end up being Oracle is still an open question. Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a roller coaster ride.

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