An Apple mobile phone?

An Apple mobile phone?

The new year is a month old, but I'm still hammering out my 2006 resolutions. Top of the list: Come up with a moneymaking scheme as clever as the Million Dollar Home Page. The cheeky British college student who sold a million pixels at a buck apiece has spawned a swarm of imitators, as well as DDoS attacks from jealous Netizens. The only problem: I don't own anything that's actually worth a dollar.

Whatever Makes You HP: One fine day a few months ago, Scott G's Pavilion desktop stopped displaying video, so he shipped it to HP for repair. Two weeks later he received a package containing somebody else's old video card, but no PC. Three weeks after that, his PC came back, but without a video card. Many chat and phone sessions with HP support ensued, to little effect. But after he spilled the whole ugly story on his website - and it was read by thousands at - HP scrambled to send him a brand-new machine. A company spokesdude admitted making mistakes but said the vast majority of HP users were happy as clams. Then again, maybe they're just waiting to be steamed.

Off Their ROKRs: Is an Apple mobile phone in the offing? Those are the rumours swirling out of Cupertino [California] after the company filed for a trademark on the phrase Mobile Me. Anything smaller than a pay phone would be an improvement on Motorola's iTunes-enabled ROKR. In other McNews, Microsoft recently announced that, despite killing off Mac versions of IE and Windows Media Player, it will support Office for Mac for at least another five years. I understand that with good behaviour Apple can get it reduced to three.

Pro Bono: Thanks to the many readers who caught an apparent error in a recent article, where I confused Bono (aka Paul Hewson of U2) and the late Congressman Sonny Bono (who suffered an unfortunate encounter with a tree back in 1998). In the writing biz, that's what's technically known as a joke, though not a very good one. So here's another New Year's resolution: better jokes.

Got hot tips or chowder recipes? Send them to and you may get a tasty Cringe bag(uette) for dipping.

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