Tabloid: IT drunks savaged

Tabloid: IT drunks savaged

Following the crackdown on unseemly behaviour by rugby league players, morality crusaders BOW (Bunch Of Wowsers) has now called for the IT industry to introduce its own similar code of conduct.

"The IT industry is a disgrace," claimed BOW president Sue Donim. "There's a whole generation of young computer enthusiasts who are seeing their heroes indulging excessively in alcohol and drugs, frequenting girly establishments and engaging in all sorts of immoral behaviour," she said.

"What message are we trying to send our youth who aspire to become computer executives?"

However, the MD of Australia's largest dongle vendor, was quick to respond to the rhetorical question.

"The message I want to send to the youth of Australia is that you're a bunch of good-for-nothing young wimps and I'll drink you under the table any day," he slurred before heading off to the men's gallery.

Donim was also savage in her criticism of the IT press.

"At least the sporting press is doing their part by exposing the wrongdoings of drunken athletes; the only thing the IT press is prone to expose is themselves," she said.

"I've heard tales of editors and managing directors vomiting, side by side, into North Sydney gutters. It's shameful," she said.

One high-flying IT sales executive, who has recently pinned down a $5 million networking deal, was happy to respond to Donim's suggestion that the IT industry needed to introduce a code of conduct.

"What crap. She just needs to get a life. How are we going to win business if we can't get customers pissed at strip bars?"

'Roos fight back

No this is NOT a footy story. Australian wildlife has taken on - and beaten - the military might of the US in a recent defence exercise code-named Operation Phoenix, near Katherine.

In a test of how US reconnaissance helicopters affect the movement of local fauna, some hotshot pilots were buzzing a mob of kangaroos and noting how they behaved. Seems they scattered soon enough and ducked around the other side of the hill, but in army parlance, they took cover and regrouped.

To the shock of the pilots, witnesses report that the 'roos fired off a series of stingers, causing mayhem for the hapless helicopters.

The amazed Americans took evasive action, aborted the mission and were left in a state of bewilderment at the capability of the Aussie wildlife.

Fortunately, the incident occurred in a computer simulation, provided by the boys at the Defence Science Technology Organisation. The explanation to dispel the urban myth is, as always, simple.

The DSTO's Land/Operations Simulation division was charged with creating a simulation of the conditions, which included the movements of animals. The programmers started with some code simulating infantry soldiers, adapting it with some modelling data on Australia's finest icon. Alas, the part of the original code that included weapons remained.

Nonetheless, the pilots have found a respect for our wildlife and, in simulation or reality, avoid contact with kangaroos at almost any Sandy CremorneDomino theoryAnother shameless attempt to gain cheap publicity was uncovered by ARN's recently appointed hard- hitting news editor Mark Jones. If the people at Lotus think sending a cake to a newspaper office is going to help promote Domino release 5.0, well . . .


Size isn't really everything: Wang

Wang Global's Australian boss, Robin Dixon, was bemused to read last week's front page ARN headline proclaiming news of the Getronics buyout: "Size matters: Wang".

The $US2 billion buyout is set to create a company worth over $US5 billion specialising in desktop and network services and boasting more than 33,000 employees in 40 countries.

As Dixon commented at the time, he believed the extra size would help boost its business prospects.

But it seems ARN missed something. When Wang staffers called Dixon to report on the headline, his first reaction was "Size matters, but it's what you do with it!"

The wags at Wang, quite taken by the remark, scanned in ARN's front page and added his quote to the headline. by Leo YethongaHow many IT professionals does it take to . . .

At a recent Drake training recruitment seminar it was said there will be about three billion users of NT by 2003. The question was then asked "How many IT professionals will it take to manage this many users?" An answer came from the back of the crowd - "Seven" - which was greeted by laughs from the audience. "No, no I mean 7 billion," the voice said, at which point the laughter stopped.

Big Red runs again

A couple of Tabloid reporters don't mind a punt, so it was interesting to note that a US- based company has chosen to name itself Phar Lap Software, after the immortal Aussie legend of the turf. Not only that, but its president is Richard Smith. Is Dick starting another venture? Here's hoping the company doesn't get nobbled before its time.

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