The Ninth Annual Gibbs Golden Turkey Awards
- 19 November, 2012 05:59
[clink, clink, clink] A-hem ... may I have your attention please? Thank you. We are gathered here in the Gibbs Universal Secret Underground Bunker for the ninth year running to announce the lucky finalists and even luckier winner of The Gibbs Golden Turkey Awards.
To refresh your memory, the GGTAs point the digit of disdain at those individuals, companies or entities that don't, won't or can't come to grips with reality, maturity, ethical behavior and or social responsibility because of their blindness, self-imposed ignorance, thinly veiled political agenda, rapaciousness and greed, or their blatant desire to return us to the Dark Ages. Or all of those sins combined.
This year, we have a full field of nominees whose heads have been suggested by readers, associates and by the casting of runes and examination of goat entrails. This year the contenders for the Dinde d'Or, as the French might say, are a diverse lot and each nominee gets a Tiny Golden Turkey for their efforts. So, without further ado ...
First up, Zynga for abusing their stock and being worth less than their cash on hand and completely obliterating any value of all employee options while senior execs cashed out hundreds of millions. I wonder whether there will be a Tiny Golden Turkey in Farmville in the future?
Next, we have the entire advertising industry. You can single out the IAB or the DMA or any other industry organization. This is an industry that insists that "Do not track me" actually means "OK, track me all you want, but just don't send me ads of any possible interest." Perhaps the advertising industry should get a Golden Cookie?
In the anti-science nominees category, we have Karl Rove and Donald Trump, along with every gum-flapping imbecile who thought his personal opinion was more valid than statistical analyses. Roger Bacon, born 800 years ago, a Franciscan friar, wrote directly for the attention of Mr. Rove and Mr. Trump: "The knowledge of mathematical things is almost innate in us. This is the easiest of sciences, a fact which is obvious in that no one's brain rejects it; for laymen and people who are utterly illiterate know how to count and reckon." Messrs. Rove and Trump are each awarded a TGT ... that's a total of two, chaps.
Rather disappointingly, Google was nominated for allowing there to be more than 3,800 versions of Android? What ever happened to homogeneity? Google gets 3,800 TGTs, all slightly different.
The runners-up this year are the ISPs that don't filter spoofed source addresses that are outbound from their networks. Imagine all the UDP DDoS attacks that would fail if they did. This group will get billions of TGTs every second.
And so, we come to this year's winner .... a roll on the drums, please ... Ladies and Gentlemen, this year's recipient of the Gibbs Golden Turkey is ... Facebook!
Yes, Facebook's over-hyped IPO took in a ridiculous number of people who then got to watch the stock slide from its initial $38 to its current price of around $22 ... a loss of more than 40%. While all of the early investors get TGTs that will shrink when exposed to reality, Facebook itself gets the Big Golden Bird, not only for their ongoing privacy issues, but also for their weak business model (the recent Mark Cuban fracas underlines this nicely).
So, thanks to all of the contenders and, Zuck, call me to claim your prize ...
Gibbs is rolling up the red carpet in Ventura, Calif. Tell him what you think at email@example.com and follow him on Twitter and App.net (@quistuipater) and on Facebook (quistuipater).
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